We have all seen them and some of us (guilty) have participated in them. The Mommy wars. The media incites them, and then they sit back and watch while we go at each other. We spout out our proof positive methods on things ranging from breast feeding to home schooling, and tear down any other mothers that don’t have the same exact opinion that we do.
If you don’t breast feed you don’t love your children.
If you breast feed in public you are offensive.
If you home school, you want your kids to have a life without friends and no social interaction ever. You also probably make your own clothes and butter.
If you don’t home school your kids, you must want them to die in a school shooting, be forced to eat the unhealthy food they serve and only be taught to pass tests. Oh, and you have no religion.
If you let your kids sleep in your bed with you, you can’t control your kids and must give in to their every whim.
If you don’t let your kids sleep with you, you’re a monster and probably have them chained to their beds.
If you were able to drop the baby weight soon after (less than 2 years) having a baby, then you are motivated and healthy, but also body image crazy and self absorbed.
If you haven’t managed to lose the weight yet, and your kid has started school, (mine is in 6th grade), then you’re lazy and unorganized.
If you work outside the home, you should have never had children in the first place!
If you put your kids in daycare you must want them to be neglected, and learn about gays and sex at the age of 4.
If you stay at home with your kids then you must not be a high school graduate, have no skills what so ever, have no real ambition of your own, and wrap yourself in your kids lives.
These are just some of the ridiculous Mommy Wars we all read about. I hate them. I see them posted on the Today show website, GMA website, local news, even CNN. Most of the time I roll my eyes and don’t even read the article because I don’t want to read the comments. I don’t want to see how women are ripping each other to shreds. But other times, I just can’t help it. I click on the story and get sucked in. I even find myself typing out a commit to someone who didn’t do things the way I did or has put down the way I did it. A few times I hit post, and just add fuel to the fire. Other times, most of the time, I hit delete and move on.
The truth is, I’m a mother of 2 kids, (hence the name on the blog), I have done some things as a mother that worked and I have done some things that backfired in my face. There have been times I liked trying to figure things out on my own and other times when I was ripping my hair out that I needed help. I don’t know everything. I will never know everything. I am not an expert at being a mother and I do not pretend to be. My kids are 11 and 7, and I still learn new things every day. I struggle. I need advice. I need support.
There are ways to help each other without ripping into each other. We can offer opinions or advice and not make each other feel like crap in the process.
We have to support each other. Being a mother is hard. Making a person inside your body, then getting it out of your body (drugs or no drugs,…another Mommy war), taking care of it, teaching it a few things, and trying to make it a good person is hard. We need help. Doing it alone would be awful. I need the help of friends, other mothers and fathers, teachers, coaches, preachers, and other children. (Watching or listening to kids talk is a great source of inspiration) It really does take a village. Just because you chose to do things with your kid that I don’t do with mine doesn’t make you better or worse. It just makes us different.
I am a firm believer that we all do whatever works for us. I see friends post things all the time and I want to scream and virtually shake them. They complain about something they could have control over but let the kid run the show. But unless they ask me for advice or help, I keep quiet. I try to keep quiet. Sometimes I fail and for that I apologize.
If your things work, good for you. I applaud you for finding a parenting thing that works. But that doesn’t mean it will work for everyone.
All I am asking is to take the advice from Dalton, (Patrick Swayze) in the movie Road House and “just be nice”. You can give your opinion without being bitchy or ripping someone else up.
Please know that the media loves it. They put these stupid things out there to get us going. They know there tons of moms out there who can’t hold their tongues and love to argue. They want us to rip each other apart. So don’t. Don’t play into it. Try, try, and try harder to restrain yourself. I know it’s hard. Like I said, I fall for it myself sometimes. Thankfully I have friends that call me on my stupidity and pull me back in.
Not that your opinion is stupid, but arguing with a computer screen is stupid. You are not changing opinions by ranting on a computer. The women that read these articles and comment already have strong opinions. They already have a plan, they either breast feed or don’t, they either put their kids in daycare or don’t. You aren’t going to change minds. All you are doing is adding fuel the fire and it doesn’t need it.